I have always loved singing. LOVED it! Adored it!
At the same time, I have almost always believed my singing wasn’t very good. Maybe not terrible, but still not something people would actually choose to listen to.
I remember a few times as a child and teenager being asked, “If there was one thing you could change about yourself, what would it be?” And each time replying, “My voice.”
I wished I had a beautiful voice that people would love to hear as much as I loved singing. I remember saying to some friends about seven years ago that I believed I was one of “those people” who’d never be able to sing well – that people would never really like to hear me – no matter what I did.
I believed that but I always hoped I was wrong.
Things began to change around four to five years ago after I started playing the guitar, learning some songs to sing along with and then writing a few songs of my own. I still didn’t believe I was very good but my desire to sing had grown greater than my beliefs that were suppressing it, and on the odd occasion I would even sing and play a song or two for a few people, in-spite of my doubts and fears.
For many years I’d thought about having singing lessons, but I kept putting it off for the fear they mightn’t make a difference…it’s funny how we ensure the outcome we fear most by listening to the fear and allowing it to stop us!
Then one day about 2 1/2 years ago I finally bit the bullet and organised some lessons. I can safely say it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life…finally honouring myself and my love of singing and allowing myself to free my musical expression.
The day of my first lesson I was petrified, and I believe my singing was even worse than normal! In fact the entire process of the singing lessons was an interesting insight into my self-judgements, beliefs about myself and fears.
I had lessons for 4 months, over which time my teacher taught me many things about singing – correcting my technique, my breathing, my phrasing.
The single biggest thing she did though – the thing which really turned my singing around – was to keep pushing me to sing fully, to give it my all, to stop holding back, holding on, because of fear.
One day when I was learning a new song with some high notes that I kept hesitating over for fear of not making them, my teacher told me something that’s stuck with me because of its enormous power and wisdom, not just for singing but for all of life:
“You just need to go for it. If you go for it you’ll probably make it. You may not, but you probably will. If you don’t go for it you won’t make it.”
I realised that a lot of my beliefs around singing had come from wanting a beautiful, soaring, feminine voice, rather than the voice I have, which is on the low side (for a woman). Once I came to embrace my voice just as it is, to stop wishing it was something that it’s not, I was finally able to see it’s unique beauty and expressiveness.
At the beginning of this year some friends started going to karaoke – the type where you get up on a stage at the front of the pub, with lights on you and a book the size of the yellow pages of songs to choose from. I realised this was my chance to take the next step in my journey of freeing my singing self-expression and conquering my fear of singing in front of others.
The first time…and most subsequent times actually…I feigned self-confidence, didn’t allow myself to think about what I was going to do, and just did it. Those first times I’d get off stage and realise I was shaking like a leaf!
Bit by bit the fear is slowly getting less, and in-spite of the fear I really do love being up there singing.
And so onto the next stage of the journey…a karaoke competition! Uh oh, people judging me…some more fears and beliefs to face!!
It took me three attempts to get through the heats to the semi-finals, and each time was a learning experience about the judgements I hold about myself. In the end I got through almost by default, but I was then determined I would get through into the final.
The semi-final was on Thursday night, and in attempting to reach my goal of the final I had to push further out past the edge of my comfort zone – firstly in asking friends to come and support me, and then in not just singing but performing…of getting into the song and expressing it with more than just my voice.
I chose to sing “I Touch Myself” by The Divinyls, and getting up there in front of a room full of people to play the part of a sexy, self-assured woman was waaaay outside my comfort zone.
And guess what? I made it! I got through to the finals!
I’m so grateful to get through as I’m planning to sing one of my favourite songs and really appreciate the opportunity to share it with people. I’m going to do everything I can to win (first prize if $1000!), but really the greatest victory for me is being there in the first place – in honouring myself and not giving up, in altering my beliefs about myself, and by continuing to go outside my comfort zone for something I love.
The final is this Sunday May 2 at 9pm at Howl At The Moon in Broadbeach mall on the Gold Coast. The winner is determined by the audience, so if you’re in the area and haven’t got plans for Sunday it would be absolutely awesome if you came down and showed me some support!
While really it’s the person with the most and noisiest fans that is going to win, I’ve heard all the people sing that are in the final and everyone can sing well. And you know what? I now finally believe that my singing is good enough to be worthy of being in the finals too.
And on Sunday I’m going to put my heart and soul into it and give the audience something that’s worthy of winning, whether I take home the prize or not.
I’ve shared this story about my singing journey (which has really only just begun!) because I believe it’s something everyone can relate to…that it’s really a metaphor for life.
It’s about how we allow our beliefs and fears to limit us and create a reality other than what we truly want. How we resist what is, rather seeing the beauty that’s right in front of us and making the most of it. How it takes courage to step beyond all that, and how when you do the world opens up to you. How the only way to get it is to go for it!
And how the rewards of living outside your comfort zone are the joy of life itself, lived to the fullest!
What do you love that you’ve not allowed to exist, to grow, to soar, because of your beliefs, fears or self-judgements?
Today is the first day of the rest of your life…a life that I encourage you to live outside your comfort zone, as there’s nothing more rewarding than being true to you!
